I have long loved the Final Fantasy franchise.

Most of my youth was spent crawling across 8-bit mountains, launching myself into the air so I could rain death upon my enemies, or bawling over a synthesized opera (that last part alone has cost me thousands in psychiatric care).  I played through every American offering dozens of times, until I could actually recite each line as it flashed across the screen.

In hindsight, I think there may have been some obsession there (I still go by a modification of the name Kain from FF4, kainewynd2, on most forums… ahem).  Sadly, like most of my hardcore Final Fantasy brethren – read: those who loved the series before FF7 (Cloud is a pussy and Sephiroth is no Kefka) – I stopped playing after the joke that was Final Fantasy X.

For those Final Fantasy Fanboi’s out there who are freaking out… how are those Dress Spheres working out for you?

Right.

Anyway…

Suffice it to say, when Final Fantasy IV: The After Years popped up on the Wii Shop Channel (after I got my Wii back from a family member – thus the lateness of this review) I bought it quicker than an SA Goon can deface a movie poster.

Gameplay:

To say I was happy during the first battle scene would be inaccurate.  I’m pretty sure that cocaine couldn’t give me the high I got from seeing my characters arranged on the right-hand side of the screen, ATB (Active Time Battle) meter filling, so that I could open up a can of whoop-ass on some familiar monsters (I think my first fight was some of those Razorfin-looking fish).

They even introduced a new system that reminds me of a horrible time in M:TG history: Band(ing).  While I appreciate the effort on adding this new dimension to a sequel, the bottom line is that most players will find themselves more than capable of completing the primary campaign without the use of this new ability.

Since it sits in the side menu with the likes of defend and shift row, I forgot it even existed until I got to the end of Ceodore’s quest.  It just feels unnecessary and tacked on to me.

Overall, the system is solid and very usable, though that should come as no surprise given that it is almost 15 years old.  I mean, how could they screw it up at this point?  They set the standard for every RPG that would come after!

I’ll tell you how: adding downloadable content (DLC) and crippling the main storyline, but I’ll get into that in Fun Factor and close this out for now.

Score: On a scale of 1 to 10, I give the Gameplay an 8.  It’s still a solid Gameplay mechanic after all of these years.  Just because it isn’t new doesn’t mean I should pull point, right?

Graphics:

Okay, this is a WiiWare game so that places most of the comparison with SNES/Genesis games of the nineties.  I’ll admit a failing here in that I have not tried out other WiiWare games that are not essentially 16-bit games that have been ported to the platform, so my view is skewed.

That being said, I think that the graphics are adequate for a WiiWare game and nothing special in the least.  I seem to recall seeing better sprite manipulation on the SNES in Contra III: The Alien Wars.

I think that says everything, really.

Score:  On a scale of 1 to 10, I give the Graphics a 4.

Sound:

The music and sound effects of FF4: TAY is pretty much a recycle of FF4.  However, that puts it really high on my list.  I love it so much that for a short time during my youth, I stalked Nobuo Uematsu just so I could have the opportunity to throw myself down in worship at his sneakered feet (FYI – stalking doesn’t work very well when you don’t have any money and the object of your obsession lives on the other side of the planet).

That being said, there are the obvious drawbacks:

1. It’s all recycled from FF4
2. It’s all recycled from FF4
3. It’s all recycled from FF4

See?  I can be objective.

Score:  On a scale of 1 to 10, I give the sound a 5 solely because it is all recycled as I illustrated above so eloquently.  (Incidentally, I give FF4 an 11 because I ♥ Nobuo Uematsu)

Fun Factor:

And we finally get to it.

Fun Factor.

Fun Factor is a subjective metric that I use to try and translate to folks how much I enjoyed/hated a game.

I mention up in Gameplay that Square has added DLC to Final Fantasy 4: The After Years.

1. They did.
2. It’s neat.
3. It’s pretty cheap to follow an alternate storyline.
4. You have to buy the ending.
5. You can play as Rydia.

You saw that, right?  Number four?

I swear to you that I almost picked up my Wii and dashed its silicone brains out against the glistening LCD TV that mockingly displayed those usually desired words, “The End.”

“The End?”  I was only halfway through the plot!  How could it be “The End?”  It had been such a nostalgic trip – filled with quiet smiles and longing looks – that this “ending” was more betrayal than satisfaction.

In desperation – my mind writhing with spasms like that of a methadone patient – I clicked on that heretofore-unused menu item: Purchase Add-On Content.

And there it was, Cecil’s new sprite standing in quiet dignity to the left of the title: The Crystals.  I smiled, knowing that there had just been a mistake and they would never leave me without a Final Fantasy ending… I mean, they aren’t George R.R. Martin who leaves you for years without the next book in a series (ahem).

As the happy glow suffused me and penetrated into my deepest being, my eyes moved just the slightest bit to the far right column.

800 Wii Points.

$8 to get the ending to the game, a game I had already purchased for $8.

What the hell man?  Are you serious?  Alternate storylines are one thing, but in order to actually find out the ending to the game I have to pay more?!

Oh, I don’t think so buddy… you can go straight to Hell, Square.  I used to love you guys despite the abuse and the junk.

When Cait Sith showed up as an animatronic monstrosity in FF7 that served only to rope in the Furry market, I laughed and passed it off as bad marketing.

When FF8 wouldn’t run on my PC, not for lack of capability, but because the game was so riddled with bugs that it was virtually unusable, I smiled and blamed my computer.

When I had to learn to give a damn about Blitz Ball so that I could get Wakka’s ultimate weapon, I gritted my teeth and bore it, albeit sadly.

When you introduced Dress Spheres in FFX-2, I just closed my eyes and sang “Hello Dolly” to myself very, very loudly.

But making me pay $16 for a 16-bit videogame – and making me stop halfway through to pay the second half – in 2009 is just too much.

Fun Factor = nil.

Score:  On a scale of 1 to 10, I give Fun Factor a 2.  I loved the game – thus the two – but not giving us an ending with the purchase price?  Lame.

Summary:

If you are a hardcore Final Fantasy player, you will buy the game, the character expansions, and even the ending.  I will probably still find myself paying the other $8 sometime in the near future, as well, but I’m going to be pretty upset about it while I’m in the process.

Overall Score: 4.75 of 10